Hi, I’m Bri! I’m a 23 year old graduate from Hardin-Simmons University and I’m a lifegroup leader and volunteer at BSM South.
Oh, and I’ve never dated anybody.
WAIT, WHAT DID SHE SAY?
Yes, I, in all my 23 years have never had a boyfriend. Not a single one. And, yes, I’m still alive.
By now you’re either about to stop reading because there’s obviously something wrong with me or you don’t want to read another blog about how being single is the BEST and it’s way better than being in a relationship and God is my boyfriend and blah, blah, blah.
I’m not going to tell you any of those things, mostly because I think they’re a load of poo. Being single, especially in a culture where you’re expected to be married and have two kids and a white picket fence by the time you’re my age, is really, really hard. Especially when you believe the lies about love that are all around you like billboards on a highway. They scream, “You’re not where you should be! You don’t know the fullness of God because you don’t know romantic love! If you changed this and this and this and looked like her, maybe you’d find love!” Or even, “ Maybe the reason you can’t is because you don’t deserve it.”
Those. Are. Lies. But they can be really convincing.
You may be wondering what right I have to talk about love or tell you how it should be when I’ve never been in it. But there’s where you’re wrong. I know Love.
Love is the crown of thorns that pierced a sinless head and spotless hands that now bear scars from taking nails that were meant to be mine. Love is a blood that runs deep red and leaves things spotless as it washes over. Love wears the red letter on their sleeve for the crimes you committed like a badge of honor.
All the things we think are love are just glimpses of real Love. Gifts that we get to have because of Love. But they, in all their wonder and magic and the ways they make us feel are not love. I’m not anti-love, I’m so pro-Love it hurts.
My heart hurts when I see people scrambling and scraping for love, jumping from relationship to relationship. It’s like picking up crumbs from the floor to eat and going to bed with empty bellies, unsatisfied, because we didn’t look up and see the feast that was on the table all along. Not only was it there, but it was there FOR you. And it’s not just people that date that do this. My heart hurts when I do it too. It looks different, but it produces the same result. I let daydreams get away from me, allow my heart to go places it shouldn’t, feel envy or jealousy or even hatred towards those that have what I don’t. And at the end of the day I go to bed, with the same empty stomach if you will, all because I forgot about the feast.
Singleness isn’t the answer to finding Love, but neither are relationships. The answer is found in accepting it. The hardest part about Love is that you have to choose it, in times of singleness and times of relationship alike. Jesus is never going to force His love on you because then that wouldn't be Love. He’s not going to force-feed the Feast waiting on His table to you. You have to choose to look up. You have to swallow your pride and accept it. Put down the burden of deciding if you’re worthy or deserving of it because He already says you are.
We’ve been lied to about what Love is. But there’s no shame or condemnation here for believing it. No, this Love that is older than time reveals itself with new mercies every day. He is patient. He is kind. He is not angry, He does not boast. He keeps no record of wrongs. He’s not selfish or passive. He is all that we need to be fully satisfied. He is so much more than what we only get little pictures of in our daydreams or even in our spouses, our life-partners that we’ve been told will make us whole. We’ve confined Love to a person-sized box when it’s been God-sized all along.
You’ve been inside the person-sized glass box for so long, looking out and wondering why you still feel empty. Good news for you, there’s a hammer called Grace that will smash through those walls and allow the God-sized fullness of Love to wash over you.
There’s a Feast waiting, there are boxes to be shattered. Will you eat from the table? Will you take the hammer?
WRITTEN BY: BRIANNA BREWER
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